In part one we looked at the issue of identity and how the enemy's sole intention is to get us to doubt our true identity as sons and daughters of the Most High God. The key to combating these lies is to anchor ourselves in the truth of what the Father has and continues to declare over us as His children. These statements are found both in the written Word and also by hearing the spoken word of God (see Romans 10:17). It's the word of God that produces faith - namely belief and trust - in who God is, what He says, and in this case, what He's speaking over us about who we really are in Him. These declarations of truth are what will shape our identity and true sense of self-worth, value and esteem as we agree and accept who and what He says we are.
In this article, I want to focus on the issues of approval and acceptance. The truth is there is nothing we can do to make God love us more than He already does. It comes down again to a matter of faith in believing that we're loved by God, no matter what, and learning to live loved in every dimension of our lives.
To grow up in this worldly system is to have been raised in a performance based society. In this realm, success and reward determine the value of a person. Right from our first day at school as bright eyed and bushy tailed six year olds, through to young adults graduating from university we are conditioned and judged according to our performance. Academic results can have a huge bearing on our relative ‘success’ in life and also our sense of identity.
Those who excel in this realm are generally rewarded with better jobs with higher salaries which means bigger homes and more stuff. Such rewards can even lead to influential positions in government. The danger of course is that this stuff can lead toward a false sense of internal value, an identity grounded in works. It might sound something like this - "Hey look what I’ve done and became. Look at what I've achieved and look what I’ve got to prove it." In this mindset, a sense of identity is connected to external factors like position, title, status, our bank accounts, where we live and car/s we drive, size of house, possessions, school our kids go to, our 'influential' friends, size of share portfolios - the list goes on and on....
But the underlying issue with this mindset is when is enough, enough?
Taking this performance-based mentality into the workplace, shareholders expect their corporate CEO’s to perform in order the raise their share prices - because a higher share price is linked to them leading a more 'successful' life. In the sporting arena, fans expect their team’s coach to win at all cost. So what happens when the CEO fails? What happens when the coach can’t win a game? Inevitably, they are fired for their lack of performance and a better CEO or higher credentialed coach is employed to improve the bottom line. And so it goes, hiring and firing all based upon performance and success.
Failure can mean disqualification, dismissal, embarrassment and hardship that can initiate an internal dialogue where people begin to question their personal value, “I’m not good enough”… “I’m stupid” … “I’ll never amount to anything…”
The same is said for those who have followed all the rules in order to gain acceptance from those around them. It might be your parents, your peers or the ‘significant others’ in your life. The acceptance merry-go-round is one where we begin to place our sense of worth on who we know, who we ‘roll with’, who we’re associated with. Being part of the ‘in crowd’ means we accepted or we’ve achieved something. We can begin to follow a line of thinking that shapes our language, our appearance and even our interests all in the hope that if I can please so-and-so, I might be accepted; therefore I feel a sense of value or worth now.
The problem with that line of thinking is, what happens if you can never meet the mark? This is all about pleasing man, which is not really based in reality. Rather it’s based on a perception generated from deep within – a place of insecurity.
When we question our sense of identity or self worth, our internal world is in danger of being eroded. Worse still, we have the potential of denying ourselves of who we truly are, all in a vain attempt to became something we’re not simply to make someone else happy. This is a dangerous tightrope to walk as it is always worried about what someone else thinks of us.
Wayne Jacobsen in his book, He Loves Me calls this tightrope the favor line, an “invisible line that tells us whether or not we’ve met someone’s expectations in order to merit their approval" (Jacobsen 2007:45).
We’ve all been there, living from a place of either above or below the favor line. Whether it’s meeting our parent’s approval by being a good boy or girl at home, to sitting up straight and being quiet in class, to bringing home a good report card, putting in long hours at work, doing what we think someone else wants us to do, being whatever to all men in order to have friends, we’ve all been subject to this invisible line.
Because we’ve been so conditioned in this world of the favor line, even when we accept Christ as Lord and Savior of our lives, we carry this paradigm into the new Kingdom realm as a byproduct of the years we’ve spent under the perils of ‘this present evil age.’ When things go bad, we begin to ask questions like,
· Does God love me?
· Am I good enough for God?
· Why is it that when I’m giving and being a good Christian, my finance are sliding?
· Why are my kids sick?
· How come when I pray for the sick nothing happens?
· Why didn’t I get that promotion?
· Why did Joe die?
Usually these questions are a sign in our distorted thinking that we’ve slipped below the favor line. Our internal dialogue continues to pose questions like:
“I mustn’t be doing enough for God. I’ve slipped in His approval of me. What can I do to get above the line so I’m worthy of being blessed again?”
And so the performance merry go round continues. We begin to engage in 'Christian disciplines' in order to get above the line in order to turn everything around. We might even make internal deals with God...
"I’ll pray more. I’ll read my bible more. I’ll go on a mission trip. I’ll give more. I’ll go to church more. Surely if I do more, God will be happy and He’ll now have give me what I want. He’ll reward my good performance."
That’s how it works isn’t it? And the enemy, the accuser of the brethren, doesn't need anymore ammunition when we've given him a foothold with that mindset at work. In fact we actually give him an increased authority in our lives as we agree with his lies.
But what happens when despite all of our best efforts an dintentions, nothing in our immediate circumstances changes for the better? (At least in our understanding of what’s better.)
Thankfully the Father is on a relentless mission to bring us from darkness into light and release us from the bondage of the philosophies of this world and lead us into the realm of Heaven.
Consider the following verses that reveal Heaven’s eternal truth and Father’s love, approval and acceptance of us:
What marvelous love the Father has extended to us! Just look at it - we're called children of God! That's who we really are. (1 Jn. 3:1 The Message)
Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. What pleasure he took in planning this! He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son.
Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, his blood poured out on the altar of the Cross, we're a free people--free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all our misdeeds. And not just barely free, either. Abundantly free!
He thought of everything, provided for everything we could possibly need, letting us in on the plans he took such delight in making. He set it all out before us in Christ, a long-range plan in which everything would be brought together and summed up in him, everything in deepest heaven, everything on planet earth. (Eph. 1:4-10 The Message)
God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him. (Rom. 5:8 The Message)
So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of His grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all He has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus. God saved you by His grace when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. (Eph. 2:7-8 New Living Translation)
Personal Reflection
Take a moment to ponder the following questions:·
- Where do you feel you walk the tightrope of the favor line in your relationship with God? Have you ever felt guilty for not doing enough?
- Have you ever felt disappointed with God’s love for you?
- Ask God to reveal where you have been trying to earn His favor?
- Ask Him to help you see how much delight He takes in you as a loving Father.
This isn't a one-off dose of goodness. It is intended to be a continual action of allowing the love of God to invade every cell and fibre of our being and to allow the beauty of His love and wonder to re-wire our thought processes. As we meditate daily on His truth, we'll became everything He desired for us to be when we were formed by Him, even before the foundations of the world to be the direct target of His eternal love and unconditional affection.
Our belief systems are not just built on what we've heard, but by what we are hearing, i.e., our listening and responding to what the Father is saying now about us.
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